um...yeah.

i've given up booze.
i've given up boys.
& a few other things.
nothing seems to be different.

i haven't talked to my best friend in a week. i haven't seen him in over a week. i don't like it. he's the one person i tell everything to. & so much has happened. but i don't know if i can tell him any of it.

i saw some oak mtn kids that i have remained friends with. & they've all changed so much since going to college. it kind of made me sad, because you think you know someone pretty well. & then apparently, you don't. i know i've probably changed since i departed for ttown last august. but i don't think i'm totally different, in a scary kind of way. at least i hope not.

 
i got my hair cut. i have bangs now. & the best hair color of my life. that is probably the only positive thing from this week. that & hanging out with baby fall.

i downloaded the last two episodes of the office, season 3. pam + jim = some hope for tv in the fall. 

i haven't updated this in quite a while. i've been lazy. busy. grouchy. & confused. sometimes, i would much rather sleep! the real reasons i haven't updated are as follows...

1. i've been housesitting. & dogsitting. at the same time. which has proven to be harder than i thought. even if you make money. but i had some company, so it wasn't so bad. except for the whole coming home part...
2. i've been trying to get a job. i've put in MORE applications, & am absolutely fed up with it all. but i'm pretty sure i have a job lined up at williams sonoma for the end of the month through the beginning of july. & possibly longer than that. so i'm okay with that. it gets my parents off my back. for now.
3. i've been spending time with baby lamb. loving on him since nobody else does in this house. & visiting my aunt. & having bonnie come to town to visit me. & going to movies & dinner & whatnot with baby fall. who i kind of want to just kidnap & take up north. so we can party & be cool.
4. i haven't had much to say. well, i have. just not anything i would want to see the next day. my mood changes too much to really keep anything up to date without feeling negatively about it later. ugh.
5. i've been watching lots of movies. & tv. & sleeping. napping.
6. i'm kind of pissed at people. some more than others. & some people are just doing things that freak me out. not a big fan of anybody but baby lamb right now. even if he does growl at me when i talk to him while he's trying to eat. he's a dog. he should be able to multitask, especially since he doesn't know what i'm saying...
7. i've been causing trouble. it's what i do best. except it's bad. & boring. it's because i'm bored. nobody is around to hang out with. my best friend is always busy. & i think he's mad at me. UGH.

this summer was supposed to be amazing. lots of fun & time with my friends. but...no. very big disappointment. what the eff is wrong with everyone? i'm very fed up. & tired.

& i think i'm giving up drinking. for good. bad habit. bad things happen because of it. i do not like it so much.  

thus far on summer vaca '07, i have done a whole bunch of nothing. slept a lot. drank too much. (oopies!) applied for some jobs. & pretty much tried to avoid doing anything my parents would like for me to do. i'm sorry, but getting a job or cleaning up my clothes is just toooo boring for me to handle. i would much rather sleep, wake up for a little bit, nap, watch tv, & nap some more. napping is my hobby of choice...it's productive!

i've been watching a lot of tv. most shows have been having their finales, which are depressing. except i think pam & jim are going to get together on the office (um...YAY.), meredith & derek broke up sort of of grey's, christina got dumped at her wedding on grey's, desperate housewives was kind of blah, & veronica mars was just strange.

right now, i'm watching scarred. i LOVE it. for some sick reason, i find this show thrilling. it gives me a high that nothing else can. watching skater boys or kids that do stunts on their bikes & whatnot...mmmmm. broken bones, blood, & screaming. i should be a doctor, but i'd rather not go to med school. (not enough time to nap in med school...) oh well. i'm a sick freak. so shoot me!

baby lamb is indeed not dying. he just has a yeast infection on his face, & allergies that are making him itch all over. he looks, as hannah said, "all jacked-up." his eyes are torn up, & he keeps itching his legs, nose, & underneath his chin. sometimes, i wonder what his problem is. my dad asked hannah if she wanted to put lamb down, & then get a new puppy. um, no thanks tim ryan. we love lil' lamb more than anything...SORRY.

so i think i might be ready to head back to school? being home is sooo weird. i don't like it too much. my parents are all up in my business. asking where i'm going. what time did i get home last night? & i have to ask to go somewhere. i feel like a little kid again. even though i'm legal. well, pretty much. next summer, i'm thinking that staying at school might be best?

gilmore girls is over. forever. my favorite show has ended, & i still feel really weird about it. it didn't feel like an ending. rory didn't marry logan. but lorelai & luke are together...? i really almost cried. i felt a little part of me die. THAT SOUNDS SO LAME BUT I DO NOT CARE. since i started watching that show, i have wanted to be a gilmore girl. now i just have to buy the last season on dvd, & memorize every episode. so i can hopefully be one when i grow up.

if i grow up.

bonnie came & visited me. we watched lots of grey's season 2, & i made some sex on the beaches. (she didn't like it though...only i did. OH WELL. I LIKE BOOZE.) we went to the mall today, & i got some more job applications. excited about that. maybe. i don't really want a job. especially now. i just want to lay around & contemplate my favorite show being over.

all my fav shows are finaling this week. (that's so not a word, but whatev.) halfway home, grey's, the office, etc. GOSH THIS WEEK JUST SUCKS. i need some cake & booze. right now.

i am afraid baby lamb is dying.

his leg was bleeding earlier. because he scratches himself til he bleeds. so i had to administer some benadryl. with a turkey baster. i think he's getting really sick. tomorrow he's getting a bath. & hopefully that will do some good.

i miss my best friend. even though i've seen him almost every day since i got back. i think i messed things up. oh ugh.

i'm finally home. but now, i'm starting to wish i was still at school. i've been fighting with my mom a lot, & it kind of ruined my birthday.

i got a new phone...a samsung sync. I LOVE IT. it's amazing. i can take pics with it, which i love.

i've been sleeping as much as i can due to my lack of sleep tuesday night. that whole "all-nighter" really screwed me over. ick.

yesterday, bff brought over my present, which i love. he gave me booze (always a good gift!), a tshirt (which is very comfy), a cd of music he thinks i'll like, & some earrings, which are gorgeous. i've been wearing them all day.

then there was j brunner's party, which was...very crazy. i don't think i've seen that many drunk people in a while, even though i go to ua. there was lots of chatting & she gave me a pretty cool present. she found this little voodoo doll kit, & thought it was perfect for me. um...i think she's trying to get me into trouble.

tomorrow is going to be a very long day, because EVERYONE is coming over here. which i don't really like. hopefully, i'll get to hang out with nick before he starts work on mon.

everyone is going to be busy this week, & i am gonna be so lonely! j brunner...we need to have some brunches or something.

um...i've been awake all nite/morning.



why do you ask? because i had 2 shots of espresso. red bulls don't keep me perky. but espresso sure as hell does.


damn that double shot of espresso...ick. it didn't even taste good.

so i spent the wee hours of the morning : being jewish (haha...BONNIE)...cleaning...packing...sweeping...not studying...watching tv...downloading music...hiding in my closet for entertainment...& being online. oh, & watching some short film about a 5yr-old girl who is goth. INTERESTING.

i am gonna crash soooo hard 2nite.



i get to go home today tho!

got a brit lit final...study break...lunch...sell back some books ($$$)...more studying for french (UGH I HATE IT.)...french final...packing up my stuff in the car...checkout with RA...& HOME.


YAY.


p.s. today is my cousin ryan's birfday. only 2 days til the big 19!

due to the nearing dark spot of my life, i have been having a gilmore girls marathon. on season 3 right now. it makes me happy. well, that & booze & sleeping.

tomorrow is study day for exams. not looking foward to it. i'm ready to be home. told my mom today what i want for my birthday. so come friday, i should have my very own satc box set. THANK YOU GOD.

i have no idea what i'm doing this summer. no night classes. working...somewhere. hanging out with my friends. i want to get a fish or something. take up a trade. & up my alcohol tolerance. yeah.

but i am going to miss bonnie & greer when i go home! i've had so much fun with them the past few weeks. so i'll have to make plans to see them as well.